i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You don't make any sense
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