I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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