She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Im part way to drunk.
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You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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