I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
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I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think your dad took our porno
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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