Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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