Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize