I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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