you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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