just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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