i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
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I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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