3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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