he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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