can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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