it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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