Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
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You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
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