If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
be right there i have to get my cape
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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