you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with two different species that night
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize