Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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