I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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