this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize