She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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