we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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