im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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