Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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