just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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