Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
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So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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