My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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