wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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