Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
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A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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