At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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