if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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