don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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