im six kinds of drunk right now
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize