okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
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Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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