I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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