i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
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her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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