The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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