It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize