This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize