I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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