if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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