Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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