so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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