3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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