FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize