i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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