is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize