so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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