i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
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If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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