I wish life had little blips of pornography
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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